$50 million for TSA uniforms

Discussion in 'Aviation Passenger Security in the USA' started by TSA News Blog, Apr 1, 2013.

  1. TSA News Blog

    TSA News Blog News Feed

    OrangeJumpsuit.jpg
    You may have already read about the $50 million set-aside for new TSA uniforms. Some people, including on Capitol Hill, are objecting to this expense at a time when the nation is facing budget cuts through the sequester.​
    To placate lawmakers, the agency has just announced that it will not use that money on TSA uniforms, but rather on passenger uniforms.​
    Starting April 1st, travelers are being advised to arrive at the airport an hour earlier than they normally do to accommodate new procedures, which, the TSA believes, will make the security experience both more palatable and more productive. Once people become accustomed to these new procedures, the whole operation will be more efficient, getting passengers to their gates more quickly than they do now.​
    After travelers check in with their airlines, they will, as usual, proceed to the security checkpoint. But instead of standing in line, they will be separated by sex and directed to male/female locker rooms (children age six and under can be accompanied by their mothers in the female locker room). There, they will remove all their clothing and jewelry, locking it in a secure lock box with a non-metallic key, and don orange jumpsuits – small, medium, or large. These jumpsuits have Velcro closures instead of buttons, zippers, or snaps for ease of dressing. They also have only one pocket, for the lock box key.​
    Passengers will then proceed to the checkpoint with their lock boxes. The boxes will be x-rayed on the conveyor belt, as belongings usually are. All passengers will be directed through the scanners. Since they will all be wearing the same jumpsuits, it will be much easier for TSA agents to assess their images in the scanners. And the lone lock box key each passenger will have will be easily identifiable on the scanner image, thus obviating the need for the loathed pat-downs.​
    TSA Administrator John Pistole said he hoped to kill two birds with one stone: please lawmakers such as John Mica, Jason Chaffetz, and Marsha Blackburn, who are gunning for the TSA, and please passengers, whose checkpoint experience will now be less arbitrary, more predictable, and more uniform.​
    This new TSA policy is scheduled to go into effect on April 1, 2013.​
     
  2. Caradoc

    Caradoc Original Member

    I realize that today is April 1st, but I'm not seeing a lot of humor in this particular post. Or any humor at all, for that matter...
     
  3. RB

    RB Founding Member

    Does ring to close to true, eh?
     
    Caradoc likes this.
  4. nachtnebel

    nachtnebel Original Member

    I thought April 1st was about things that were not true.
     
    KrazyKat likes this.

  5. It occurs to me that Lisa Simeone's sense of humor is pretty dark and biting...
     
  6. FaustsAccountant

    FaustsAccountant Original Member

    The disturbing part is that we joke about this but someone in the Smurf chain will think it's a fantastic idea and actually have it become reality.
     
  7. True. They did consider taser bracelets for all passengers back in the day.
     
  8. Frank

    Frank Original Member

    In the novel "The Consultant" which I believe is available on the web, this is exactly how passengers travel by air. Putting a C-note in the "tip jar" keeps the vaseline-covered finger out of your (expletive deleted) at the checkpoint (this was written before scope-and-grope).
     
  9. FaustsAccountant

    FaustsAccountant Original Member

    I'm cool with the smurfs wearing the bracelets and every time they do something wrong, indecent, immoral, improperly make a medical decision, violate a civil liberty or human right, and/or violate any safety, act such as but not limited to stealing, bad touching, make a stupid decision that puts a passenger at risk; they get tazed.
     
  10. CelticWhisper

    CelticWhisper Founding Member

    I advocated something like that a couple years back. It was collars, though, and they were linked to a console at the end of the security line with buttons corresponding to the clerks' employee numbers. The numbers would be sewn onto their uniforms in large, impossible-to-conceal print and when a passenger pressed a clerk's button, one of five lights above it would light up. 5 lights gets the clerk a shock and resets the light column. 5 lights to a shock, 5 shocks to a day, increasing in intensity with the fifth shock being lethal. Piss off 25 pax and you die.
     
  11. RB

    RB Founding Member

    Why so much leeway? How about piss off one passenger and they get the honor of pressing the kill button. Better yet make the smurf push their own button.
     

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