Know your TSA screeners

Discussion in 'Aviation Passenger Security in the USA' started by N965VJ, Dec 1, 2011.

  1. N965VJ

    N965VJ Original Member

    So just who works as a TSA screener, and why do they do it? Can you break them down into groups? I think so. Here's my analysis, and of course some traits can intermingle.

    The Professional
    May have a military and or law enforcement background. They hired early on, answering a call of duty right after 9/11. They were the ones that said "Good morning, sir!" at the checkpoint on day one and truly meant it. Ten years later, their ranks are thinning. The ones that have remained, upon honest reflection, know they are in an agency rife with corruption, criminal activity, political grift, and useless theatre.

    The Walmart Greeter
    Older person supplementing their retirement income. Pleasant enough to deal with. Sometimes you feel bad when brushing them off, but these days you never know who is playing Behavior Detection voodoo practitioner.

    The Clock Puncher
    It's just a job to them, and who's to complain in this economy. They never expected to be the target of such public outrage, and they certainly didn't plan on doing same-sex gropes for a living. As soon as something better comes along, they are outta here.

    The Slacker
    Younger person with few marketable job skills. Boisterous conversations with coworkers about inane subjects such as video games or the new hottie working at the food is common, until they notice you glaring at them. Hopes to get on full time so they can move out of their mom's basement.

    (The lower strata of Clock Punchers and Slackers is where you find those screeners with criminal tendencies)

    The Gum Cracker
    Never got tickets to the Ricki Lake Show, but that doesn't mean the whole terminal isn't her own personal studio audience. "I tol' y'all to take them laptops out, I ain't gonna aks again!"

    The Whacker
    A peculiar subgroup that has a fascination with being associated with law enforcement, but lacks the skills needed for that career path. Urban Dictionary:
    Geeky person who longs to be a police officer or anyone of authority or importance. Usually has a car with antennas and lights with no authority to do anything. May have a police scanner hanging from his/her belt.

    The Whacker loves the TSA policeman's costume. They like to go "on patrol" on their on time, and flash their badge. Some have their ham radio license (or as they say, "I am a federally licensed Amatuer Radio Operator") for the sole purpose of being involved in ARES. You can learn more than you ever want to know about these guys at

    The Gung-Ho Guy
    May exhibit some Whacker tendencies, but has bought in to the notion that they are on the the front lines of the Wah On Tewwow. Views the traveling public with open contempt, since civilians obviously have no idea screeners like themselves put their lives on the line every time they snap on a pair of blue rubber gloves. Does same-sex gropes with gusto. Secretly wishes for a personally signed 8x10 photo of John Pistole for the living room wall.

    So… right now we’re kind of lucky to have a range of employees to deal with. But the Professional’s ranks are thinning, the Walmart Greeters will retire to take up golf, the upper echelon of Clock Punchers will move on to other employment as the job market improves.

    The scary thing is what awaits us in the future when the economy improves, and the screeners ranks will be rife Slackers, Whackers, and Gung-Ho Guys.
    RadioGirl and Fisher1949 like this.
  2. KrazyKat

    KrazyKat Original Member

    Where do thieves, bullies, and those with a sex-crime orientation fit into this scheme?
  3. N965VJ

    N965VJ Original Member

    The lower strata of Clock Punchers and Slackers are where most of the criminal elements resides. The bullies are the Whackers and Gung-Ho Guys.
  4. Caradoc

    Caradoc Original Member

    These categories might once have been accurate.

    Today, there are four:

    1) The Thief. They like working for the TSA because it gives them an opportunity to supplement their income.

    2) The Molester. They like working for the TSA because it gives them an opportunity to molest people.

    3) The Barker. They like working for the TSA because it gives them the opportunity to exercise "authority."

    3) The Nose-Picker. They like working for the TSA because they know that nobody else will employ them for their utter lack of motivation and/or marketable skills.

    There are a lot of TSA employees who claim to work for the TSA because they're "serving their country." Such people are simply liars or utterly delusional, much like those who claim that the best way to "honor their women" is to perform a pharaonic circumcision.
  5. LeeAnne

    LeeAnne Original Member

    I think y'all are forgetting one important category:

    The Sadistic Sociopath - They took this job for the opportunity to exert power over others - power which they had no other way to obtain since they have little formal education and no marketable job skills. Some similar characteristics to the Whacker - views the traveling public with open contempt, performs gropes with gusto. Considers themselves smarter than everyone else, and pays lip service to being on the "front lines" in the war on terror, but in truth they simply enjoy inflicting pain and humiliation on others with impunity. No better job for them than the TSA, as it's about the only job in America today where someone with no education or job skills can be given total freedom to abuse, molest, humiliate and violate others, with no consequences. Ultimate purveyors of the "Respect Mah Athoritah" mindset.
  6. FetePerfection

    FetePerfection Founding Member Coach

    Not sure how I missed this thread until now but it's brilliant and spot on! Way to go N965VJ

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