Love is...

Discussion in 'What's On Your Mind?' started by Elizabeth Conley, Nov 16, 2011.

  1. Elizabeth Conley

    Elizabeth Conley Original Member

    ....sweaters, mittens, hats and scarves knitted by doting grannies.

    ...a crushed flea from the pubes of your beloved, tucked in your snuffbox for safekeeping.

    ...a home-made tinned fruitcake soaked in rum and shipped to your trench on the front lines.

    ...your favorite pair of bell-bottom jeans, embellished from hip to frayed hem with embroidery.

    What's my point?

    These tender expressions are sometimes practical, sometimes ridiculous, can be quite intimate, and time, convenience and expense are no object. Their nature depends on the living conditions of the giver and the recipient.

    Which brings me to the here and now. Our federal executive branch has hired thugs and pedophiles to juggle male citizen's testicles and prod apart female citizen's labias. Our complicit judiciary and legislature has done nothing to halt this abuse. Grannies can't visit grandchildren without the threat of goons rooting around in their Depends. Grandchildren can't visit Grandpa without facing a gauntlet of pedophiles. Businesspersons can't complete their trips without having their private parts made public. Lovers can't vacation without enduring unwanted sexual contact with perverted strangers.

    What's the loving gift in such a culture? How about "Pistole-Pants?" How about hand-made under-drawers which feature a padded, form-fitting inner layer to protect the wearer's private parts, a set of cabbage-patch-doll-styled "life-like" public-parts for TSA agents to fondle, and an outer layer of some popular style of underwear. They could be lovingly cobbled together from various popular styles of undies and items from the fabric and craft stores. The INTERNET knitting, quilting and sewing forums could supply never-ending design variations.

    Contemplate the beauty of such a wide-spread practice of "cooperation" and "creative coping" with the TSA's groping practices. It would break them. You know it would.

    Please excuse spelling and grammar errors. I'm under the gun right now. Just thought I'd share.
     
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  2. Lisa Simeone

    Lisa Simeone Original Member

    Hilarious! I'm all in favor of creative ways of fighting, and this one's very creative.
     
  3. nachtnebel

    nachtnebel Original Member

    that is a great idea. yes, it would be very effective....
     
  4. DeafBlonde

    DeafBlonde Original Member

    Hmmm.... My maternal grandmother (God rest her soul >3) was into "soft sculpture" arts and crafts. I think I still have some of her books on the subject.
    Time for a trip to the attic and a walk down memory lane!^
     
  5. TravelnMedic

    TravelnMedic Original Member

    How about pants with a sort of device where the smurf gets stuck, shocked or a rat trap snapped on them for touching privates (which certain idiots say isnt part of the SOP) YMMV due to WTMD sensitivity but i have gotten more then a few metal objects(Flashlights, leathermans, letter openers, etc) through WTMD without setting them off . Beats the alternative to just flat out knocking there block off which is what i would do, and would be justifiable reaction/defense for sexual assault.
     
  6. DeafBlonde

    DeafBlonde Original Member

    Why worry about getting it through the WTMD? I thought they weren't using that anymore because the "Naked Scammers" are now the primary screening method. :confused:
     
  7. LeeAnne

    LeeAnne Original Member

    My preferred home airport (Burbank) doesn't have nude-o-scopes. It's all WTMD. Which means I have to get groped EVERY TIME I FLY, because the metal in my spine sets it off every time.

    There are still plenty of airports without porno-scanners.
     
  8. Elizabeth Conley

    Elizabeth Conley Original Member

    I understand where you're coming from, but I'm approaching this problem from the totally non-confrontational, helpful and accommodating angle. That's how we bury 'em.

    Imagine one of Pistole's Pervs rolling a crocheted "testicle" full of soft Styrofoam beads between his finger and thumb through through the fabric of your pants and boxer shorts. Maybe they feel like "real" testicles, maybe they don't. What's a perv to say? "What are these?"

    Then I guess you respond, "My testicles."

    "Really?"

    "They're the testicles my mother made me."

    "They seem a bit different."

    "She crocheted these. She knitted the previous pair, but they shrunk in the wash. These are angora. I dry clean them as needed."

    Imagine Grannie at the checkpoint. She's doing some research for the Pistole Pants she's knitting for her grandchildren. "May I speak to one of your pedophiles please? I've got a question."

    "Madame, we don't have any pedophiles here."

    "I see, it's don't ask don't tell, kinda like in the Army. Well that's ok Dearie, I just want to know if they find more satisfaction from stroking nylon-batting filled faux child privates, or cotton filled. You don't have to tell me who the pedophiles are. Just ask them for me. (Sweet smile) Please?"

    Imagine the look of boredom and badly concealed impatience that occupies the face of a lady wearing Pistole Pants while a TSA thug pointedly pokes between her "labias" 3-4 times. The thrill is completely gone for the thug. Her "victim" experiences no humiliation, no shame and no disgust. What's a bully to do when repeatedly thwarted by 3-4 such "victims" per day?

    To take an assailant down with minimal effort, you steal his balance through a subtle shift of your own position, then let his own momentum carry him down. There are infinite variations on this theme. This is one of them.
     
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  9. DeafBlonde

    DeafBlonde Original Member

    In that case, we need to start working on a device that will guarantee that the groper will pull back a bloody stump if the genitals are touched. Let the brain-storms begin!:D
     
  10. Mike

    Mike Founding Member Coach

    A strategically placed beaver trap should do the job, possibly with a broken finger or two.

    I still (15 years later) have a somewhat misshapen thumb nail from when I reached in to adjust the pan on similar trap -- from the wrong side. :eek:
     
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  11. LeeAnne

    LeeAnne Original Member

  12. DeafBlonde

    DeafBlonde Original Member

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  13. DeafBlonde

    DeafBlonde Original Member

    By "strategically placed" do you mean "as to avoid self-injury"? ;)
     
  14. Mike

    Mike Founding Member Coach

    I would not recommend them for non-TSA males.
     
  15. Cartoon Peril

    Cartoon Peril Original Member

    For men, I recommend the kilt, worn like a true Scotsman.

    That should stop groping PDQ.
     
    Lisa Simeone likes this.

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