Make Em Look Stupid - It really Ticks Them Off

Discussion in 'Aviation Passenger Security in the USA' started by Sky Dancer, Nov 12, 2011.

  1. LeeAnne

    LeeAnne Original Member

    I don't have any stories nearly as fun or funny, but I did have a surreal moment once when traveling for a scuba-diving trip. I bring my own gear, and always have trouble getting it past TSA because it includes fancy-looking electronics like a wrist-mounted computer, a regulator, SPG, oxygen analyzer, etc. They always want to pull it all out and FIDDLE with it, which pisses me off to no end because if they mess with the settings, it can really screw me up underwater (and that can, ya know, lead to DEATH!).

    So the last time I traveled with my gear, when the moronic TSO was pawing through my LIFE SUPPORT EQUIPMENT (cuz that is what it is), I kept giving him a running commentary full of made-up crap - "Oh that's my probing carchometer - it scans the water for sharks and sends out mild electrical shocks if any come within 50 yards. DON'T TOUCH THAT - that's my hemoglobin sensor, it senses my blood nitrox flush levels, and automatically changes my gas settings if I get too much carbon monoxide. That's a depthoxyegraph, which regulates the oxygen-loading of the surrounding water column." I was just making this sh*t up as I went along, coming up with whatever sounded most outrageous.

    He just kept nodding knowingly, as if he was quite well-acquainted with all of this high-tech stuff. :rolleyes: Moron.
     
  2. Next time one of you guys has a screener pawing your equipment, I dare you to say that something is your flux capacitor.
     
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  3. DeafBlonde

    DeafBlonde Original Member

    ...as long as you don't require us to keep a straight face while saying it, I'm game!!
     
  4. LeeAnne

    LeeAnne Original Member

    Ooh! Ooh! I'm doing it. My scuba gear includes various apparatus that could easily be mistaken for a flux capacitor... ;)
     
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  5. DeafBlonde

    DeafBlonde Original Member

    OOps! Silly me! I thought when phoebepontiac said "pawing your equipment" she meant "patting down your crotch." :oops:
     
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  6. LeeAnne

    LeeAnne Original Member

    BAHAHAHAHA!! That's HILARIOUS! Because, yeah...they paw all of our equipment - both electronic, and flesh-n-blood! ;)
     
  7. FaustsAccountant

    FaustsAccountant Original Member

    Some of those infinitely wise smurfs would believe anything to be a 'flux capacitor' I've had more than one occasion where they spread out of the contents of my cosmetic bag, hold up a ...monthly-girl-thingy and ask me what is it/what's it for and swab it.

    No, I don't buy 'we're testing you" and I can't make this up.
     
    Lisa Simeone likes this.
  8. DeafBlonde

    DeafBlonde Original Member

    Can you imagine this, immediately after the first karate chop: "Hey! Be careful with that, that's my flux capacitor and it's VERY DELICATE!!" :D
     
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  9. CelticWhisper

    CelticWhisper Founding Member

    "Dammit, I TOLD you, stop fluxing my capacitor!"
     
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  10. Mike

    Mike Founding Member Coach

    Probably the first time he had fondled handled one on duty that wasn't "in service".
     
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  11. Lisa Simeone

    Lisa Simeone Original Member

    You're "causing a disturbance." Off you to go to the grope gulag!
     
  12. FaustsAccountant

    FaustsAccountant Original Member

    Yeah that's a good idea, a women at "that time", that smurf must be unmarried, never dated, has no sisters or mother.
     
  13. Mike

    Mike Founding Member Coach

    or is just brain dead
     
  14. Caradoc

    Caradoc Original Member

    I've never encountered a TSA employee who required any assistance in looking stupid.
     
    RadioGirl and LeeAnne like this.
  15. PissedAtTSA

    PissedAtTSA Original Member

     
  16. PissedAtTSA

    PissedAtTSA Original Member

    I give them fake phone numbers and when they ask, "Is this your current address?" (on my DL) I tell them yes if it isn't and no if it is. They have no idea, and, BTW, it is not their business. Unless, of course, they'd like to give me theirs, so I can harrass them at 3 am!!
     
    Elizabeth Conley likes this.
  17. PissedAtTSA

    PissedAtTSA Original Member

    I would say, next time, pack a used tampon--how would that swab?
     
  18. FaustsAccountant

    FaustsAccountant Original Member

    Tempting but then they could tag me with biohazard.
     
  19. Mike

    Mike Founding Member Coach

    A more important question is whether they would change their glove afterwards, or just run them through the next person's hair.
     
    Lisa Simeone likes this.
  20. TravelnMedic

    TravelnMedic Original Member

    If they could even identify it, but yet odds are they don't even have a clue. I would be tempted to do something as bad, but i would have to have my bag and its contents wiped down with PDI wipes and then commercially cleaned.
     

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