The U.S. State Department has released its annual report on worldwide terrorism deaths. 15 American civilians were killed by terrorists in the whole world last year. 13 were in Afghanistan and 1 each in Iraq and Uganda. Exactly none were in commercial airliners and there were exactly none from any transportation cause in the U.S. Coincidentally, or maybe not, figures were also released for dogbite deaths in the US. There were 34 of those. It is, therefore obvious that we need a retasking of the TSA to protect us from these teacup terrorists. TSOs would become Terrier Safety Officers. The are clearly suited for this task, having perfected their own "barks." Their badges could be taken away and dog whistles and rolled up newspapers issued. The x-ray nude o scopes could be modified to comfit with what some TSOs have been claiming all along, to use sound waves, in the 25-54 KHz frequency range which dogs can hear but humans can not. Of course, no one has researched the hearing range of smurfs. The machines could be renamed "barkscatter" devices. Other AIT devices could be Akita Interdiction Technology. DYWTFT becomes, "Do you want to fetch today?" Profiling would not be objectionable since nobody likes a pit bull wearing a kufiya or a rotttweiler in a ghoutra. Any recipient of TSA security measures could be muzzled without EPIC caring. We could actually get a benefit from the TSA which somehow manages to suck large sums of money out of the government to pay to infest airports with useless little leeches whose sole purpose seems to be pointless theater. Of course, it would still work out to $240 million per life saved. By way of comparison, we now have $8.1 billion divided by 0 lives. Wait a minute! My calculator is editorializing. I did the division and it came up "ERROR!" Exactly.