Retasking the TSA

Discussion in 'Aviation Passenger Security in the USA' started by 4nsicdoc, Aug 28, 2011.

  1. 4nsicdoc

    4nsicdoc Original Member

    The U.S. State Department has released its annual report on worldwide terrorism deaths. 15 American civilians were killed by terrorists in the whole world last year. 13 were in Afghanistan and 1 each in Iraq and Uganda. Exactly none were in commercial airliners and there were exactly none from any transportation cause in the U.S. Coincidentally, or maybe not, figures were also released for dogbite deaths in the US. There were 34 of those. It is, therefore obvious that we need a retasking of the TSA to protect us from these teacup terrorists. TSOs would become Terrier Safety Officers. The are clearly suited for this task, having perfected their own "barks." Their badges could be taken away and dog whistles and rolled up newspapers issued. The x-ray nude o scopes could be modified to comfit with what some TSOs have been claiming all along, to use sound waves, in the 25-54 KHz frequency range which dogs can hear but humans can not. Of course, no one has researched the hearing range of smurfs. The machines could be renamed "barkscatter" devices. Other AIT devices could be Akita Interdiction Technology. DYWTFT becomes, "Do you want to fetch today?" Profiling would not be objectionable since nobody likes a pit bull wearing a kufiya or a rotttweiler in a ghoutra. Any recipient of TSA security measures could be muzzled without EPIC caring.
    We could actually get a benefit from the TSA which somehow manages to suck large sums of money out of the government to pay to infest airports with useless little leeches whose sole purpose seems to be pointless theater. Of course, it would still work out to $240 million per life saved. By way of comparison, we now have $8.1 billion divided by 0 lives. Wait a minute! My calculator is editorializing. I did the division and it came up "ERROR!" Exactly.
  2. barbell

    barbell Coach Coach

    Sadly, TSA will see this as a success rather than the glaringly obvious indictment that it is.
    Lisa Simeone likes this.
  3. KrazyKat

    KrazyKat Original Member

    But really hard to defend the $$$$$ involved...
  4. nachtnebel

    nachtnebel Original Member

    Now that you've posted this, TSA will really insist on feeling my cock er spaniel.
  5. Caradoc

    Caradoc Original Member

    I think the only good place to put retasked TSA employees would be as speed bumps on residential streets.
  6. KrazyKat

    KrazyKat Original Member

    One of the challenges being the now unionized workforce--even if it is a make-work (or keep the criminals off the streets) program, there are tasks in the US that need doing--just not thieving, groping, pretend explosives testing etc. In the interest of retasking, I really would look for some other work where there is no opportunity for harm to be done.
    Elizabeth Conley likes this.
  7. 4nsicdoc

    4nsicdoc Original Member

    Don't they slow us down enough already? How about 3rd rail cleaners in the NY subway?
  8. VH-RMD

    VH-RMD Original Member

    let some stay in the airports - they could become porters, that would provide a useful public service and still allow them to get their hands on peoples luggage...
    Lisa Simeone likes this.
  9. Caradoc

    Caradoc Original Member

    Can you think of anything you'd trust a "former" TSA employee to do without managing to screw it up?

    I can't.
  10. Caradoc

    Caradoc Original Member

    Who said anything about them being functional?

    They'd probably be as ineffective as speed bumps as they are at anything else.
  11. CelticWhisper

    CelticWhisper Founding Member

    I think they'd have wonderfully productive careers in the biofuel industry. raw materials.
    FriendlySkies and Caradoc like this.
  12. Caradoc

    Caradoc Original Member

    I dunno. Might not be cost effective as the filters would have to be replaced too often because of the caustic intake.
    Lisa Simeone likes this.
  13. INK

    INK Original Member

    Collect unemployment.
    FetePerfection likes this.
  14. Pesky Monkey

    Pesky Monkey Original Member

    Actually many of them would probably total your car if you hit one.
  15. Caradoc

    Caradoc Original Member

    Depends on what you drive, I guess. Someone totaled their Mercury Zephyr against my rear bumper a few years back. I had to scrape their paint off of my chrome, but sustained no body damage at all. The average TSA clerk might just be a grease job.
  16. N965VJ

    N965VJ Original Member

    When the TSA is put under the control of the FAA (to prevent mission creep into places other than commercial aviation) I would have no problem allowing former TSA employees applying to the private sector firms that will be contracted to actually perform screening. Some may find that private sector employment does not suit them, though.
    KrazyKat and FetePerfection like this.
  17. Caradoc

    Caradoc Original Member

    If it did, they'd already be there.
  18. KrazyKat

    KrazyKat Original Member

    Not like a profit-motive is some panacea to problems of public benefit. Reigning in the mission is critical though, cozy as FAA may be with the industry it regulates.
  19. Elizabeth Conley

    Elizabeth Conley Original Member

    I think that denigrating screeners is a side show. The real scum are Mr. Obama (sorry folks), Ms Napolitano & Mr. Pistole.

    I am disturbed that the judge in Mr. Tobey's case let all the high level criminal masterminds off the hook, leaving the low level goons and thugs twisting in the wind.

    It's intellectually dishonest to blame the rank and file for a situation the "leadership" created.

    It was wrong of "leadership" to place the TSA clerks in situations where their job entailed committing crime after crime against their fellow citizens. It was wrong of the "leadership" to dress them in police costumes and puff them up with an inappropriate sense of authority and entitlement. It was wrong of "leadership" to expose them to irradiation on the job...

    ...and on, and on, and on.

    Responsibility comes with Leadership. Passing the buck comes with "leadership", and so it's the scum at the top that deserves most to be reviled.

    Rank and file TSA clerks deserve Leadership. It's because the haven't gotten it that they appear so contemptible. We toss our figurative rotten eggs and spoiled tomatoes at these poorly led federal employees, but it's their "leaders" who belong in the public stocks.
  20. Caradoc

    Caradoc Original Member

    The leadership may have created the situation, but the rank and file didn't refuse to maintain it. If only any TSA employees were capable of understanding the ramifications of Mr. Tobey's case...
    Lisa Simeone likes this.

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