The Airport Security Glossary

(add intro text explaining WTF this is about)

3 = from the LGA "3-1-1" mantra, a unit of measure equal to 3.4 ounces. Origins of "3.0 = 3.4" are sketchy, but may derive from the "2 + 2 = 5" in the DHS organizational manual, 1984.

9/11 = see OBL, same definition.

ADASP = Aviation Direct Access Screening Program = TSOs who walk around the airport grounds performing screening of airline and airport employees, the cabins of airplanes (without climbing on TAT probes) and at some airports also control entrance gates.

AFS = Anything For (Safety|Security). An attitude expressed by those travelers known as "kettles" (see Ma and Pa Kettle/The Kettles below) that holds that any and all abuses of traveler civil rights are justified or justifiable so long as they either make the traveler measurably safer or lend a perception of safety.

AFSD = Assistant Federal Security Director

AFSD-LE = Assistant Federal Security Director for Law Enforcement

AFSD-O = Assistant Federal Security Director for Operations

AFSD-S = Assistant Federal Security Director for Screening

Airline Revenue Protectors = TSO's tasked for matching ID to boarding passes.

ASI = Aviation Security Inspector (aka "TSI" for their old job title, 'Transportation Security Inspector')

(expletive deleted) = Airport Security Screener. A TSO who acts like E. africanus asinus at the checkpoint or elsewhere.

ATR = Automated (Threat|Target) Recognition. Pattern-recognition technology applied to MMW NoS's that TSA claims will do away with the need for a naked passenger image. Ironically, this increases the need for and importance of saving, storing and transmitting naked images because said images are required for evaluating the accuracy of the "Chalk-Outline" image produced by ATR. Also note that this does nothing to address the suspected DNA damage caused by MMW scanners and is not used at all on BKSX scanners.

Barker = A TSO that's constantly yelling instructions

BDO = Behavior Detection Officer aka SPOTnik

BKSX = Backscatter X-Ray. One of the two current forms of NoS. This one is identifiable as two blue boxes between which pax stand whilst being virtually strip-searched and having images of their naked bodies sent to a TSA clerk in a darkened booth leering at them on a monitor.

Blogger Bob = (A.K.A. Blogdad/Bloghdad Bob, BB (similarity to Orwell's BB not likely a coincidence)) Curator of the TSA Blog. Known for never admitting any wrongdoing on the part of TSA or its underlings unless and until said underling generates staggeringly bad PR for the TSA, at which point the underling is promptly thrown under a bus and unpersoned.

BOLO = Be On the Look Out. Information about an individual who is of interest to law enforcement. May refer to things other than individuals, but cars, for example, are unlikely visitors to a security checkpoint.

Carnival (general) = Refers to any common object that TSA deems needs additional inspection, usually unwarranted. Aside from the common shoe carnival, liquid/water, wallet, and umbrella carnivals have been reported.

CBP = Customs and Border Protection (Border Patrol and customs/immigration officers at ports of entry)

Clerk = The official job classification for TSOs. Despite blue cop-a-like uniforms and cheap $0.10 tin badges, the government employment papers for the TSA employees you interact with at the airport will show this as the type of role they fill.

Comrade = Title that is "affectionately" used instead of Mr./Mrs./Ms. for certain DHS officals. Examples: Comrade Chertoff, Comrade Hawley. Herr/Frau/Fraulein are acceptable alternatives

DFS = Dual Function Screener = A TSO who works both in the passenger checkpoint and checked baggage room.

DFSD = Deputy Federal Security Director

DHS = Department of Homeland Security

DoJ = Department of Justice

DoT = Department of Transportation

Dumpster = Particularly problematic TSA checkpoints, usually the nickname for EWR Terminal A. Could also apply well to experiences at DFW.

D-Y-W-T-F-T? = "Do you want to fly today?" (a common refrain from idiot TSOs who are trying to use threats to elicit compliance from passengers)

ETD = Explosive Trace Detection (aka "sniffer")

ETP = Explosive Trace Portal (aka "puffer")

FA = Flight Attendant

FAA = Federal Aviation Administration

FAM = Federal Air Marshal

FAMS = Federal Air Marshal Service

FAMs = Federal Air Marshals

FB = Freedom Baggie AKA Kip Zips, Kip Quart Baggie, Kip Kwarts, after the "KH" of KHIAI AKA Kip or The Kipster = a one quart zip top plastic bag made by the S. C. Johnson Company, having the magical powers of rendering 3.4 ounces or less quantities of high explosive water into ordinary water as long as the zip top is securely closed.

FFDO = Federal Flight Deck Officer. An armed Pilot or First Officer.

FM = Founding Member. One of the first members of Travel Underground, present at the community's inception and involved in its initial layout, organization and direction. Also Frequency Modulation, a means of radio broadcasting, but don't use it during takeoff or landing.

FO = First Officer

FOUO = For Official Use Only. Another variety of unclassified but also not for public information.

FSD = Federal Security Director

FT = FlyerTalk, a website and forum with which the founding members of Travel Underground have a complex history.

GSC = Ground Security Coordinator (airline employee responsible for security in their area)

H2O = Dihydrogen Monoxide, the most powerful high explosive on earth according to Nobel Prize for Khemistry Winner Kip Hawley, of KHIAI fame. Can be made more powerful with the addition of best selling orange flavored powdered breakfast beverages, not to be confused with the grape-flavored powdered Flavor Aid beverage which Kip and his loyal followers are fond of.

HHMD = Hand-Held Metal Detector

ICE = Immigration and Customs Enforcement (the investigators of the Immigration/Customs branch)

ID = Identification = easily forgeable documents which "KH" of KHIAI somehow equates with security.

Janet Napolitano/Nappy = DHS Secretary under the Obama Administration.

John Pistole/Pissy = The current administrator of TSA under the Obama administration.

J-P-I-A-I = John Pistole Is An Idiot. Also used unhyphenated as JPIAI. See K-H-I-A-I below.

KGB = variations STASI, SS, Gestapo = totalitarian secret police organizations existing prior to the DHS. The underground thumping sound you hear is Stalin and Himmler rolling over in their graves, kicking and screaming over their misfortune to come along 50 years too early, for if only they had the computer power of DHS you would be reading this in German or Russian.

K-H-I-A-I = "Kip Hawley is an idiot." (a common refrain from the public who view the LGA restrictions as the be-all end-all of Kip's tenure in the TSA; comes on t-shirts and plastic bags!)

Kip Hawley/Kip/The Kipster = The previous Administrator of the TSA.

Kippie bag = The magical plastic bag that turns exploding liquids into inert substances.

KST = Kabuki Security Theatre = after the Japanese stylized theatre, i.e TSA checkpoint modus operandi, where an impressive display of bluff, barking, blue shirts and badges impresses the he!! out of infrequent flyers, known as Ma and Pa Kettle and/or Sheeple, to the point they predictably say "well, I guess, anything for security" when a reporter shoves a microphone in their face as they wait in the 1 hour checkpoint line in Concourse C for the TDC to shine his UV on their ID.

LEO = Law Enforcement Officer

LES = Law Enforcement Sensitive

LGA = Liquids, Gels, and Aerosols (aka "LAG" - Liquids and Gels)

LTSO = Lead Transportation Security Officer (aka "two-stripers")

 

Part Deux:

Ma and Pa Kettle/The Kettles = A name for the occasional or inexperienced traveller. Sometimes also called Joe SixPack and Granny.

Mag = Magnetometer, more accurately known as a Walk-Through Metal Detector

Michael Chertoff = The current Secretary of Homeland Defense. See also Skeletor below.

MMW = Millimeter Wave portal (aka "electronic strip-search machine") This one is identifiable as a glass cylinder, with beige or grey top and bottom, in which pax stand whilst being virtually strip-searched and having images of their naked bodies sent to a TSA clerk in a darkened booth leering at them on a monitor.

Moat dragon = The TSO standing at the WTMD.

Nappy = TUG nickname for Janet Napolitano, DHS Secretary under the Obama Administration. Also British slang for a baby's diaper. Pairs nicely with Pissy below.

NBI = Notice of Baggage Inspection. See TSA Love Note below.

NFL = No Fly List, a List which cannot be properly be publicly defined, as the Flyertalk word censors and TOS prevent an accurate description, even in OMNI.

NIT = Not an International Terrorist = DHS/TSA employees.

OBL = Osama Bin Laden = and excuse for Obama/Napolitano/Pistole/DHS to trample any right listed in the US Constitution, in public or in secret, often in a sentence containing a variation of "well, you know, it's a different world we live in, post 9/11".

Patriot = A traveler who values their civil rights, stands up against TSA and resists, however strongly, TSA's attempts at irradiation, intimidation, and sexual assault.

PC = Probable Cause (standard that must be met before a LEO can make an arrest)

PIC = Pilot in Command

PII = Personally Identifiable Information, aka privacy information. This is information that can be used to identify a specific person from the general population, and also requires special government safeguards and protections.

Pissy = TUG nickname for John Pistole, TSA Administrator under the Obama Administration. See also Nappy.

POE = Port of Entry (land or airport entry into the USA)

POP = Pissing off Police. Many actual charges are actually some form of this.

Puppy Post = A post on the TSA Blog that is designed to draw attention away from TSA misconduct. Generally inane and often consists of inordinately laudatory accolades for TSOs who aren't actually doing anything useful for the traveling public. "Look at all they're doing! Never mind it's no more than we pay them (too much) to do, LOOK AT IT GODDAMMIT!"

PV: Propaganda Village A.K.A. TSA Blog. Maintained by Blogger Bob and carries a reputation for absolute, unapologetic, unwavering support for every last action taken by every last low-rank front-line TSO until and unless said action causes massive bad press for TSA. At such a point, the TSO is written off as a Bad Apple, the misconduct is declared a UBAI, and massive amounts of praise are lavished upon the TSOs not involved in the UBAI, even if all they were doing was being just respectful enough to travelers to not draw the ire of the media. Expect any UBAI reports to be very quickly followed up with Puppy Posts.

RBS = Risk Based Screening

RMA = Respect Ma Authoratay = Power tripping atitude by persons given more power than they can handle. Commonly displayed by the same TSO one stripers (see definition) who utter D-Y-W-T-F-T? (see definition)

SBU = Sensitive But Unclassified. A catch-all TLA for all of the large variety of information that is not for public release, but is also not classified. Includes SSI, PII, FOUO, LES, and probably some others.

Selectee = The act of having "SSSS" printed on your boarding card by your air carrier, subjecting you to additional screening at the checkpoint (aka "haraSSSSment," aka "the SSSS treatment")

Sheeple = A tongue-in-cheek term for those passengers that blindly, unquestionably and mindlessly follow all TSA edicts. And are even grateful for being inconvenienced because it's for "my security".

Shoe carnival = Term referring to the practice of requiring shoes to removal prior to going thru the WTMD.

SIT = Suspected International Terrorist = every other citizen of planet Earth who is not a DHS/TSA employee.

Skeletor = Nickname for Michael Chertoff as some think he looks like Skeletor, the arch enemy to He-Man. See picture for comparison.

SOP = Standard Operating Procedure, formerly the holy writ by which all TSA screening personnel were expected to perform. Now being cast in the mold more of a guideline.

Spokeshole = TSA PR people tasked with spin and propaganda.

SPOT = Screening of Passengers by Observation Technique. Voodoo-science approach to behavioural profiling that involves an overpaid and undereducated TSA clerk squinting at passengers and interpreting itchy-nose wriggles as unequivocal indicators of malicious intent. Those DHS personnel who have been trained in this are known as BDO's or SPOTniks.

SSI = something so secret even HSVTSO Dean had to leave it off his list.

SSSS = The haraSSSSment flag found on boarding passes letting you know that you won the secondary lottery. May or may not be printed as a retaliatory measure.

STSO = Supervisory Transportation Security Officer (aka "three-stripers," aka "sups")

TLA = Three Letter Acronym. Government entities, including TSA, are in love with them. ETLA: Extended Three Letter Acronyms. Government entities love these as well. Used when a TLA just isn't enough.

TSA = Transportation Security Administration

TSAhole = A particularly abusive TSO - these are officially referred to by Blogger Bob as "bad apples" and are the ones responsible for making the other 5% of TSOs look bad.

TSA Love Note = Notice of Baggage Inspection. A leaflet/placard left in a passenger's checked baggage indicating the bag was opened up by the TSA in the bag room because it looked weird... and they might have had to cut your locks.

Travel Sentry lock = TSA certified lock that comes with various standardized locks allowing the TSA to open them with a the correctly numbered key. Some are key-only others are key and combination, some come with a little indicator telling your bag was opened in a search/panty raid and that you'll find a notice of inspection/love note inside.

TSM = Transportation Security Manager

TS = Top Secret

TSO = Transportation Security Officer (aka "goons," aka "smurfs," aka "geTSApo," et al)

TDC = Travel Document Checker

TUG = Travel UnderGround. Yer lookin' at it, bub.

UBAI = Unconnected Bad Apple Incident. Occurs when a TSO acts according to its nature and abuses a traveler. Unconnected to other incidents but connected to the fact that the perp is a TSO.

UV = Ultra Violet = Blacklight = Magic flashlight = a handheld device for the Government make work program to employ TDCs, who shine it on 2 million IDs per day to make sure none contain the invisible secret phrase "This passenger is really Osama Bin Laden in disguise". Success rate to date = 100%.

VIPR = Visual Intermodal Prevention and Response. Taking security screening to baffling new heights using strange techniques in places other than airports.

WTMD = Walk-Through Metal Detector

 

Thanks for posting this! I'll make it a sticky below the NoS thread.

 

Good job CelticWhisper but I've searched high and low for thugs, bullies, perps and pervs and can't find them listed anywhere...

You know, it feels good just to say these words again w/o going to the woodshed.

 

Don't forget A.S.S and Clerk

 

Seriously though we need to add Nappy and Pissy as they've become legendary in the hall of shame.

 

TU (Travel Underground) should be TUG.

 

*FOOM* Done, done and done.

 

UBAI definition is up but perhaps a little clunky. Refinement suggestions welcome.

 

Great work - thanks for being so responsive.

 

I have a suggestion for another acronym: COC = Contempt Of Cop (see also POP).

 

You forgot a couple:

Blogdad Bob: TSA Blog spokeshole
PV: Propaganda Village AKA TSA Blog (I'm sure you can come up with a better description than me)

 

Probably need a slightly nicer description for Blogdad Bob.

 

We should probably rewrite this one, since FT's rules no longer apply and the reference to OMNI will just confuse newcomers to TUG who don't have history with FT.

 

Added Blogger Bob, PV, Puppy Post. Removed reference to FT. Elaborated on SPOT. Alphabetized list. Probably did one or two other things that I can't quite recall because I wasn't paying close enough attention.

 

Just wonderful. Thanks for it all. Please sticky it.

 

did we forget SMURF?

 

Don't forget FWB/FWV.

 

What's FWB/FWV? And does anyone want to do up a definition for Smurf?

 

FWB: Flying While Brown
FWV: Flying While Veiled

Urban Dictionary defines smurf as, "A blue-shirted agent of the Transportation Security Administration." I'll have to think how that definition could be improved.