TSA Confiscates Cupcake, Calls Frosting a "Gel"

Discussion in 'Aviation Passenger Security in the USA' started by CelticWhisper, Dec 22, 2011.

  1. Caradoc

    Caradoc Original Member

    That's called a "goatse cupcake."
  2. TravelnMedic

    TravelnMedic Original Member

    Yes I have and even made one question his sexuality. I bet he quit shortly after that "patdown" as made him very uncomfortable during the whole process as i wouldnt allow "resistance" BS, and made hime use the proper anatomical terms. It was the one and only time I havent been able to SDOO.
  3. N965VJ

    N965VJ Original Member

    I had the Metallica cover going through my head. :D
  4. barbell

    barbell Coach Coach

    I don't think I've read this story. Care to share?
  5. CelticWhisper

    CelticWhisper Founding Member

    Likewise. All the reports I've heard of people trying this result in the smurf-clerk calling its keeper over and the keeper threatening DYWTFT and IWTSP.
  6. Lisa Simeone

    Lisa Simeone Original Member

    What's IWTSP? Can't find it in the Glossary or anywhere else.
  7. CelticWhisper

    CelticWhisper Founding Member

    Oh, carp. I should add it.

    IWTSP = Interfering With The Screening Process
  8. DeafBlonde

    DeafBlonde Original Member

    Oh, carp...I thought it meant "I Want Two Starbucks, Please!"
  9. CelticWhisper

    CelticWhisper Founding Member

    ...Now I want Starbucks.

  10. Leave no trace

    Leave no trace Original Member

    Runs to the Keurig machine for a caffeine fix :)
  11. rockon

    rockon Original Member

    Interesting that the same TSM who posted that the cupcake shouldn't have been allowed and that BOS was wrong for allowing it didn't mention that Bob's 'Prepare for the Holidays' post says cakes and pies are generally allowed.

    Funny (but not really) that Bob didn't choose to call him out on it, since he essentially called Bob a liar.

    I don't care how much frosting was on that cupcake, there wasn't more than one finds on a full-size cake.
  12. Mike

    Mike Founding Member Coach

    Cake has a dampening effect on the explosive power of frosting. Exploding frosting on a full-sized cake would be a mere annoyance, whereas the same amount of frosting exploding on a cupcake could be deadly.

    This is SSI, by the way, so don't tell anybody.
    KrazyKat, jtodd, Caradoc and 2 others like this.
  13. TravelnMedic

    TravelnMedic Original Member

    Oh it was but I don’t take threats very well, especially from punks.

    Sorry this was cut from a personal trip report I wrote but never published as my writing doesn’t compare to some trip report writers out there. So I had to clean it up a little bit, but I’m sick with the flu so not 100%. Warning this is long.

    This incident isn't my first run in with TSA at DFW(there have been a couple). I havent liked TSA since the start but disdain was solidified in summer 2007 when they damaged a couple of my camera lens and dropped my laptop when the bag x-ray idiot was shooting bags out the rollers , and mine got shot to the end of the outrun and the next bag that hit it sent it to the floor. In the end I got the gear fixed, but it took the threat of suing individual smurfs, the, supervisor on Duty, AFSD, and FSD to get it (I have the current DFW AFSD & FSD on speed dial now (didn’t at the time) and not afraid to call them (the numbers are valid – last I checked). Also on this day I was not in the best mood so had a short fuse and no tolerance for bull. I wasn’t looking for a fight they just chose the wrong person to mess with.

    It was mid October when I was doing some mileage running to keep my status (I have professional obligations that require me to fly and you can’t drive to the Caribbean, Europe & Asia) and finish the last miles I needed to make million miler on AA (Lifetime gold is fine for me). This happened in Terminal C middle teen low 20's Checkpoint. Mind you when I travel I won't show my Drivers License it stays in my wallet but my wallet is in the bottom of my backpack in a locked pouch along with other valuable I won’t let TSA touch EVER. I use my Federal DMAT (Disaster Medical Assistance Team) ID; no address info only Name, Expiration Date, Team Assignment – (supposed to be getting new smart/biometric IDs this year), or my work ID(s).

    Got to the airport about 90 min before departure and had no bags to check so got my BP and headed to the checkpoint. First stop the TDC (one stripe, no ear piece or radio) showed them my BP and ID and immediately asks for a DL (remember that fuse... yeah it was lit right then), for which I said "I’m sorry did you not get the memo that Federal IDs that require security clearance to obtain are valid IDs". Wish I had taken a picture the reaction was priceless, for which the smurf only managed to mumble “I guess not" and scribbled on the BP and let me go. Now this CP has 2 WTMD and 1 MMW and they "randomly select" mind you there are two fat (50+" waistlines) smurfs at the moat (one is a one stripe, the other has two). Now I’m very efficient I can get my laptop out of my bag, shoes/belt off in 30 seconds or less. Bin 1 laptop in neoprene sleeve, bin 2 shoes & belt, Bin 3 camera, pullover, and my (IWH) in-waistband holster (I’m not packing on the plane I just do it to screw with TSA), then my back pack which is locked.
    Well this time I was hung up by a unseasoned traveler that took 5 passes through the WTMD to clear and by then the sheep in the fryer was done, just as I was getting ready to pass through the WTMD(It didn’t go off), and I got tagged. I tried to feign not hearing them to which one (one striper) placed there hand in front of me, which I snapped back "Touch me and there will be problems" which caused the smurf to rear back as I guess they were used to sheep submitting to them. Then the two striper motioned toward the scanner for which I said “I don’t participate in illegal government porn and cancer experiments". That caused the 2 striper fat smurf to say "It’s perfectly safe", for which I sneezed "Bull :trash:, and do tell me where you went to medical school? Because if you didn't practicing medicine without a license is a crime!" That really got his attention and I saw the him (two striper) puff up and take a deep breath, for which I got in "before you speak think very carefully as to what you’re going to say as I’m not in the mood to deal with :trash: from government clerks" (mind you if looks could kill, this smurf would be DRT (Dead Right There) on the floor). The two striper must have had decided it was a better idea than being a (expletive deleted); exhaled and said in a snide tone "well you will need to stand here (point to a space off to the side out of the way) till a male assist can be found to help you.... It might be a while". My response was "Fine I have all day”, I didn’t really but not going to play into that trap, but you could see their egos get flattened like a blown out tire. About a minute later a young (18-23 African American male, slender build- uniform wrinkled and pants dirty.... how professional:vomit:) one striper comes to get me, and my things which are now sitting at the end of the conveyor belt (I was able to watch them the whole time, if I hadn't... yeah wouldn't have been pretty, not with a $5K camera under my pullover.

    Now at this CP the grope station is right by the supervisor’s podium. Supervisor in this case was a heart attack waiting to happen smurf with probably a 60”+ waistline, and sitting was out of breath, and requisite stain on the belly (I’m thinking highly trained professional…. Um Bull:poop:). Right off the bat I told the clerk to just change his gloves (which were blue but the finger tips were black….yuck). This got the supervisor to pipe up and ask “Is there going to be a problem" in a tone that just rubbed me the wrong way, and my reply was “Why plan on starting something?". The three striper just grunted at me, for which I replied "Come again". He said nothing just looked at the one stripe. The kid changed his gloves (three sizes too big for him, but whatever) and took the hint and then went into the spiel about how he was going to do his grope. He said" he was going to pat down up one leg till ". I cut him off right there, and said "Till what", and his reply was "Till I meet resistance". I started shaking my head and lit in with “I’m sorry resistance is not an anatomical structure, bone, muscle or connective tissue of the human. If you’re going to touch me your going to use the proper anatomical name for them or not at all". I caught the one striper off guard with that and he started to repeat “till I ... " and I cut him off, and repeated the same thing but added “are you going to touch my patella? Thigh?, calf? Tibia?, gluteus minimus? Gluteus maxmius? Penis, testicles…Anus? “And “be careful doing ones job is not a valid defense in a court of law for crimes committed, even for government clerks, and inflecting pain/injury will have consequences”.

    The kid just stood there in shock with a deer in headlights look. By this time the moat two stripe slob that said the scanners were “safe” at the start of this had come to watch the show and after my comment, and made the threat we all know and hate. Which for the second time if looks could kill this one would be dead, and I replied “Excuse me did you just make a terroristic threat? And without missing a beat proceeded in calling him out in-front of the supervisor smurf “Oh by the way I never did catch where you went to medical school… or are you practicing medicine without a license here at the checkpoint clinic?”. The supervisor cleared his throat like he’s going to say something, and I snapped my head 90 degrees and preempted him “is there a problem? Do we need to get Cedric Alexander (DFW FSD) or Robert Gentry (DFW AFSD) down here to straighten things out; I have both on speed dial?”. The three striper responded “No” as I think he finally got it through his skull he should probably stop while he behind. The kid then asked “Who’s that?”. At this point I couldn’t keep a straight face anymore and started laughing my (expletive deleted). The two stripe slob just walked away all whipped & butt hurt like I beat his puppy and head back towards the moat and ultimately out to the TDC stand.

    After a good laugh I told the kid “What you work for TSA and don’t even know your own chain of command… That’s Sad. There both your bosses. Oh I’m sorry before were so rudely interrupted by Doc Checkpoint, what were you saying?”. The kid snapped out of the deer in headlights and back to reality. He went back into his spiel, but this time when he got to the where he said resistance before, he just paused. For which I smirked and looked through him. He couldn’t bring himself to say it, he just looked down and mumbled something unintelligible, and I questioned “Penis? Testicles? Anus?, Vagina? “.

    This threw him for a loop and I started laughing again. The kid just let out a long sigh, dropped his head and let out what I thought was a sob. Then when he started his “patdown” I said out loud each part of my body that was being groped(since he wouldn't) every word caused more people to look at what was going on ( wish I had planned better would have been a good time for a speech on the abuses of TSA). He never got higher than my knees because had my thighs squeezed together to make some "resistance". My butt did get a good rub, then proceeded to the small of my back and started to press that caused me to jump (I hurt my back 2 years ago, surgery 15 months ago it’s still very sensitive especially the scar) and snapped my head back and I bluntly told him “Don’t do that ever again, that hurt” then snapped my head back 90 degrees looking directly at the supervisor who had the “Oh (expletive deleted)” look on his face, but didn’t say anything. My reaction caused the kid to jump and hit the wall behind me.

    The kid then continued his grope and during the whole time I was asking him questions, but he never answered as at this point it’s obvious I had gotten to him. ”how he felt about fondling testicles for a living?(caused him to flinch) Do you enjoy assaulting the elderly and disabled? (No reaction) What kind of perverted twisted person takes a job with an organization that violates traveler’s rights without a warrant and endangers their health in a theater act?”(kid flinched big time). The supervisor sat their shaking his head, yet not saying a word (which was a good, as it would have not gone well and things probably would have really gone downhill fast). Then as he was getting to my abs, I looked him straight in the eye since he was looking up and asked “Are you gay? … It’s okay you can admit it to me!” (I’m straight). I was hoping that one would have gotten a reaction from the supervisor, but no dice (darn, but wise move). The kid was visibly shaken , winced then averted his eyes and his hands were trembling and he sniffled. Out of the corner of my eye I did see a couple of people watching jaws dropped in shock. The kid hurried through the rest of the “patdown” not saying a word and didn’t touch any more skin.

    After the kid is done he reaches under the stand for the swabs and goes for the one sitting out in the open (I thought to myself Come on boy, your making this to easy for me; take a hint that you aren't going to pull squat over me), and before he gets to it I told him "you can throw that swab in the trash and get a fresh one from the can, not one that has been sitting out in the open being contaminated". The kid just sighed, sniffled again and his head hung lower and threw the swab in the trash and got one from a new sealed can. Gee imagine that it came up negative. The kid couldn’t even look me in the face at this point and just looked at his feet and said “I could go”. He turned around walked away from the checkpoint (gloves still on) visibly distraught. I got my laptop in my backpack, put my shoes on; the whole time staring at the supervisor with a look of contempt on my face. As I walked by the supervisor and said “TSA Delenda Est” and kept on walking.

    Now my possessions were never searched during this grope. Which is funny as they missed 32oz Gatorade, IV Fluid & Med Roll (which has IV Needles, syringes, 1000cc NS and 2 500 CC NS bags in it), and the ziplock back full of minis... Oh I feel so safe... Not! Then again I can handle myself. All of this took less than 5 minutes, but yet felt longer than that. Oh well off to the admirals club for a drink and relax for an hour before boarding.

    I know to some what I did crossed the line, but I make no apologies TSA gets what they have given (Karmas a bitch). They made the decision to work for TSA and they can live with the consequences of their actions.
    rockon, N965VJ, Doober and 2 others like this.
  14. FaustsAccountant

    FaustsAccountant Original Member

    On the other end of the spectrum, back when I could discuss my traveling experience to a coworker whom did not travel professionally (my branch, only about 3 of us travel,) I had a facepalm moment when I brought up the swab and the need for a fresh one with each passenger.

    Coworker: Why? that's a waste of money, if it came up clean for the previous, it'll be fine for you.
    Me:How do I know it came up clean before me? How do I know it didn't get contaminated while sitting there in the open?
    Coworker: Well THEY know it's clean and that's good enough!
    followed with the reasoning of
    Coworker:If you come up positive, its a hassle for them, and they don't want more work.

    I don't talk to that guy anymore other than what's professionally necessary. I'm still polite and civil but that's all.
    Lisa Simeone likes this.
  15. Caradoc

    Caradoc Original Member

    This person isn't in a line of work that requires actual thought, are they?
    Lisa Simeone likes this.
  16. CelticWhisper

    CelticWhisper Founding Member

    Oh, it crossed a line alright.

    Namely, the one that separates "epic" from "legendary."
    Caradoc likes this.
  17. FaustsAccountant

    FaustsAccountant Original Member

    Caradoc: Some what, but more importantly, he's a voter.
  18. TravelnMedic

    TravelnMedic Original Member

    Like I said I was bullied as kid, when I got older I learned to defend myself physically and verbally. Bullies think there tough but they may have brawn but the verbal armor is week and able to penetrate with words/tone. That's how you can break them without laying a finger on them. This is the chink in 99% of TSA employees armor if you can get through it. This is why the smurfs try to shut down people who speak their mind.

    Now if words don't work and it gets physical I can handle myself as even though my training and profession is to save lives, that same knowledge can be used to inflict major injuries. Needless to say laying a hand on me is a very bad idea. For which the one smurf was smart enough to heed.

    Also should mention while waiting for the grope the two fatties(males) at the moat; we choosing attractive females more for the scanner then males but if a female declined they weren't groped they were allowed to go through the WTMD and on to there flight without delay. So more proof smurfs are perverts and need to be destroyed.
  19. KrazyKat

    KrazyKat Original Member

    It's short, so I'm copying it. From AP, in NYT:
    Hopefully this will appear elsewhere with comments.
  20. rockon

    rockon Original Member

    If the reporters were doing their job, the article(s) would read something like:

    "We asked TSA if the cupcake had been ETD'd. We contacted bakery experts who noted that the cupcake actually contained less frosting than the amount of frosting on a full-sized cake, currently allowed per TSA policy as stated on the TSA website and in a TSA Blog entry titled: "Holiday Tips". We have contacted TSA for comments but have not received an answer yet. We have submitted a request for the checkpoint tapes under FOIA to verify that the cupcake was actually disposed of properly. We have also posed these questions to Rep. Mica's office. His spokesman has said he was unaware of the matter. Calls and emails to Pistole's office were not returned."
    Lisa Simeone and KrazyKat like this.

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